Dampened Optimism — Sunday Thoughts 07/11/2021
Hey everyone! Pablo here.
Things are not going well.
Wow, but isn't that a tad dramatic. Let me explain.
First things first, let's acknowledge that it's been like a month since my last weekly update and this is dated from last Sunday. That done, we shall now draw a very thick curtain over it, thank you very much.
A week and some change ago I wrote this about how NaNoWriMo was going to be different this year. Long story short (I still recommend you go and read that for reference), I was convinced that with multiple ongoing projects I would be able to spread the words without getting stuck in "the book".
Well, in my interminable ingenuity and tiring enthusiasm for faux productivity, I didn't account for a very important factor. This annoying little thing called medical school.
Therefore, things are not going well.
📚Reading
More like listening, actually. The commute to hospital is a terribly difficult endeavour without a car, so I have had to rely on audiobooks.
I am currently making my way through The Great Hunt, and though I am very excited about the upcoming release, the laws of physics are not compatible with me reading more or quicker.
More and more I'm realising how difficult it is to decide what to do with a limited amount of time, and more importantly be happy with it in the aftermath.
🖋Writing
It could be worse. That's what I'm telling to my inner dissatisfied self. I could have written absolutely no words.
Yet, I am far from the overly ambitious title of my last post. Here, I'll include a screen grab of my graph as it sits currently.
Depressing, isn't it? That's 1919 words I have managed in the first nine days of November. To be on track, I should have managed 15003 words.
I would have to be truly delusional if I said something along the lines of "but don't worry, we all love a comeback story. This shaky beginning means nothing, I will rally and catch up and complete the challenge by the end of the month."
That's not happening. What I can tell you though is that I will keep trying my very best to correct the fact that I haven't been writing every day. Even if it is a paragraph. A sentence. A single word.
So where have those 1919 words gone towards?
As you recall, I was going to add a whole new chapter to The Broken Oath and write some new sections. That is it.
I am so very close to finishing the first draft, it's infuriating I can't sit down and make a last push. Nevertheless, a promise I will absolutely keep is this: I am finishing the first draft of The Broken Oath by the end of the month and sending it off to beta-readers. To that, you can hold me.
📚Medicine
I am sat down in the hospital library right now, failing to quieten that voice in my head saying that I should be studying instead of typing away my weekly newsletter.
Trust me, I am not experiencing auditory hallucinations. It's not paranoid schizophrenia, it's anxiety. I'm used to it by now.
Anyway, most of my time is devoted to medicine. As it should. The issue is that the start of my fourth year has not been the best.
We are randomly allocated different rotations and blocks within that, so my first rotation turned out to be primary care and mental health for two months. My two least favourite areas of medicine.
Now I am on paediatrics. My third least favourite area of medicine.
I know, I know. I hate it too when medical students complain all the time. I did choose to go into this, nobody forced me and I don't subscribe to the medical martyrdom but, seriously? Three months of areas I thoroughly dislike? Vile.
I have found some solace here and there, reading about personality disorders was quite interesting and I've just finished a week of neonatal care, which was equally enthralling.
I have to remind myself that the constant uncertainty and condescension from doctors is only momentary. It'll pass, times will be better, I will soon find myself lost in a specialty I enjoy.
This is when you resilience must kick in.
Let me just end this here. I sense the ramblings commencing and I hate to be too self-indulgent. As always, thank you for reading and I will see you in the next one!
Pablo
