Melancholy — Sunday Thoughts 12/09/2021
Hey everyone! Pablo here.
For once in my life I display a shred of time-management and I don't find myself rushing the newsletter at 10pm on Sunday.
"Wow, he really has done it! He has finally accomplished his goal of writing a small fragment of the newsletter as the week progresses! He truly is the best, a pillar of the internet that is revolutionising the world of social media."
No. I mean, I appreciate the sentiment. But no.
It's Saturday.
It's not a massive improvement, but I guess an improvement nonetheless.
I am writing these lines in an oddly quiet Starbucks in the town I've just moved to, deep in the rural underbelly of England, and I can't help but feel melancholy.
I am sure a big contributing factor is the poignant twentieth anniversary of the terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre (you can read this post for reference https://pablosuarez.co.uk/pabmed/remembering-9-11) but I can't help but think there is something else. Something nebulous and extrinsic to personal circumstances.
I suppose it's my insatiable dissatisfaction with everything I do, or rather everything I end up not doing. Possibly needing some therapy but we plunge on.
📚Reading
I am continually frustrated by the limited hours I have in a day, so unfortunately I have not had much chance to do a whole lot of reading. Still on Starsight, I must say it has taken a bit of a strange detour from my preconception of where the story was leading. I remain undecided whether I like it or not.
Further to that, I am holding off from starting The Great Hunt, the second book of the Wheel of Time series. The reason is that I have found the key to listening an epic fantasy audiobook, which is combining it with the physical format. It helps grounding it and I can always go back to the words and maps. I know November looms but I am not rushing it.
📚Writing
I really should have learned from Patrick Rothfuss to never make promises you can't possibly keep.
I know, this wasn't a very official promise and I don't pretend for a millisecond that there is the same level anticipation, but I have mentioned here and there that I would finish the book before the start of the semester.
Then, when that didn't happen, I said I would finish it before the end of the week.
And now it's Sunday. I am done saying when I think it will be finished.
I have been able to carve little moments here and there to amass almost a thousand words to the last remaining chapter but there is a big piece of climax that has yet to be written. I plan to do some writing after the writing of these very lines, so we'll see what happens.
🚑Medicine
A week in and I am struggling.
The last rotation of pure clinical practice in year 3 was General Practice and my first one during year 4 is the exact same one, and it is something I am 100% sure I am not doing in my future career.
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy most of the patient interactions and the vast range of conditions that attend the practice. It just feels as though it lacks follow-through, always referring people to specialists or offering basic treatment.
However, I'll be candid. I don't think that's why I am struggling as much as I am.
It's the transitioning into the clinical setting whilst still expected to study. The way the curriculum is designed in my university is integrating clinical experience with a central theory-based body of knowledge during the first two years, and then stopping your visit to campus altogether. Essentially, they expect you to be learning on the wards from 9 to 5 and then somehow still retain enough energy to study a very demanding course.
I am still figuring it out. I groped with it during third year, which was an extremely difficult one to start clinical practice (fuck you COVID) and it has carried on after the short summer break.
The direct result is that I am absolutely exhausted, always playing catch-up. I know this was going to be difficult going in, but honestly, nobody can prepare you for this.
I must finish this number of Sunday Thoughts on that gloomy note, not to favour my penchant for the melodramatic, but to emphasis my "eugh" mood at the moment. Firsts are always hard, so here's to hoping my second week is a little bit better. I'll see you on the next one.
